BBT/Avengers snippet 2

This is his “second chance” at life; never mind all the other “second chances” that he’s had before. Never mind all the hospital trips and near death experiences and life changing events that had defined the majority of his career with S.H.I.E.L.D. This time it really was a second chance, because this time he really had died. His heart had stopped for nearly five minutes while the medical team fought to drag him back, and it had only been luck that he had survived. Luck in where the fatal wound actually struck. He doubted that he would ever know if the blow had been on purpose or if Asgardian physiology was just different enough, but the blade had glanced off of his heart instead of bisecting it.

Absurdly, he briefly considers calling it a new lease on life, a chance to change things and become a better person, but seeing as he is still an employee of S.H.I.E.L.D. that doesn’t quite seem to fit the bill. With all the electronic documents listing him as deceased, it is only on paper that his survival has been recorded and apparently that is the way it is going to be for the foreseeable future. A future that, according to the Director, will be best accomplished in the company of his family. More specifically with the one member that is even remotely prepared to deal with an injured secret agent: his youngest sister.

Phil had expected to find things along the same lines as the last time he had seen Penny, back before Stark and Ironman and superheroes. He was prepared to deal with vapid starlets approaching him for whatever illegally concoction Penny had come up with this time, and for men so stupid that they made farm equipment look like Stark when it came to thinking. He knows that he’s been less than charitable in these assumptions, but those were the sort of people that Penny had surrounded herself with since her teenage years and he really hadn’t expected any change.

He certainly hadn’t been expecting his sister to be friends with scientists, let alone dating one. He could see her sleeping with one, yes. Especially one that had the sort of charm and charisma that Stark so happily flaunted, but Leonard could barely string two sentences together around him, let alone seduce someone like his sister. It boggled the mind that so much could have changed in the few short years (five is not a few, a traitorous part of his mind whispers to him, but he ignores it with the ease of long practise) but change it apparently had.

He’s seen Leonard come and go a handful of times since that first awkward meeting, and it wouldn’t have surprised him if Penny had run off with her boyfriend instead of sticking around to help take care of her older brother. He’d been prepared for it, prepared to be left to take care of himself because he still sees the little sister so determined to make something of herself by herself, that when she told Leonard that she didn’t want to leave her “recovering addict” of a brother alone for too long it had honestly taken him by surprise.

Although it was nice to be reminded that at least one of his sisters still cared about the wayward son, it was much nicer when he finally managed to convince her to out on a date. It gives him the necessary time to check in with Fury and settle his nerves in regards to Barton and Romanova’s current statuses. He is less impressed with the Director’s decision to keep his agents in the dark about his survival, but he has to admit that he isn’t anywhere near recovered enough to deal with the sorts of things that come with being the handler to two master assassins. It still rankles, and the thinly veiled argument lasts for almost an hour before Fury finally signs off. Phil grits his teeth against the annoyance and pops a handful of pills with the intention of getting a good sleep.

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK! “Penny.”

With a groan that is part exasperation and part pain, Phil twists just enough to be able to stare at the door and attempt to telepathically convey the need to go away at whomever is on the other side.

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK! “Penny.”

It doesn’t work. The injured agent grunts as he rolls off of the couch, and manages to very slowly push himself to his feet. A wave of dizziness washes over him and he winds up clutching at the arm of the couch to keep his balance and attempt to keep his lunch down.

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK! “Penny.”

It feels like it takes an eternity to cross the few feet between the couch and door, although it’s barely enough time for the nap interrupter to finish a sixth round of knocking and calling for his sister. It takes all of Phil’s energy to yank the door open and glare out at whomever it is who wants to face the Coulson brand of irritation.

“You aren’t Penny.”

The petulant confusion in the man’s voice is enough to jump start Phil’s medication-addled brain, and he finds himself wondering at the odds. Doctor Sheldon Cooper, a man that S.H.I.E.L.D. had briefly considered recruiting before his particular neuroses and less than comforting history with the US Government had held them off, was standing on the other side of the door looking for his sister.

“Why aren’t you Penny? Where is she?”

His tongue felt thick in his mouth, but he managed to form words around it. “Because I was born first. And she’s out with… Leonard, I think his name was.”

“Leonard? But— but she’s supposed to be here so she can take me to the comic book store because he’s working!”

(And that was how Phil Coulson met Penny’s craziest neighbour Sheldon Cooper)

BBT/Avengers snippet

Ducking into Penny’s apartment that evening, Leonard rationalizes to himself, was necessary to his own continued survival. With another rendition of the Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler Show going on in his living room, it was just good sense to be anywhere but there, and Penny’s apartment has always been a good escape from his roommate. Well, maybe not always, but most times. Sheldon could be pretty tenacious in his wants after all. 

He’s not entirely sure what it was that he was expecting when she shouted for him to come in instead of answering the door— maybe some pretty lingerie just for him?— but it is certainly not what he got. 

There is a half naked man sitting on her couch with his back to the door.

More importantly, to Leonard at least, Penny is sitting directly behind him and doing something to his back. The spark of jealousy that sears through him doesn’t fade even when she turns around to wave him in. “Were you planning on standing in the doorway all night? Come in, Leonard!”

The stranger makes an attempt to turn at look at him, but that’s about as far as he gets before Penny slaps him upside the head. “Don’t move or I’ll pull something.”

“You should have been a nurse,” the stranger grumbles in a pain roughened voice; and now that Leonard has stepped around the couch he can see the reason why. Penny is very carefully cleaning a line of stitches that hold together the rough edges of what looks like a stab wound that hasn’t even begun to heal, and the scientist finally takes in more of the man than just the fact that he’s half naked.

He is the very picture of exhaustion. His blood shot eyes are sunken into a sallow face, and a three day beard grows in patches along his chin, though he appears to have at least made the effort to shave his neck if the nicks and cuts along it are anything to go by. His jeans are ratty and a size too large, sliding down his hips even while sitting; he almost looks like he’s not used to wearing them. His Captain America boxers peek out over his belt, and Leonard finds that just a dash more creepy than it used to be because Captain America is real.

Actually, this guy seems to have a real Captain America fetish going on. Leonard is 100% certain that Penny doesn’t own the Captain America dufflebag at the end of the couch, or the replica 1940s bomber jacket with “Rogers” on the sleeve. It’s at about this point that Leonard realizes that he’s been staring for a bit longer than is strictly polite and starts stuttering out a long winded apology.

Penny leans over and smiles as she lays her hand over his mouth. “Relax Leonard. This is my brother Philip. Phil, this is Leonard.”

“Wait, the drug dealer brother?”

Phil looks far more amused by that than a man with a knife wound through his back— and Holy Batman does it come right out the front? How is this man alive?!— has any right to be. “I didn’t deal drugs. I made chemical compounds.”

“You made crystal meth,” Penny rolls her eyes. “Stop trying to make it sound impressive.”

(And that was how Leonard Hofstadter met Penny’s older brother Phil Coulson.)

well I have officially lost two whole days to that BBT/Avengers crossover. 

I just really like the idea of Penny Coulson, apparently.

And then there was “recovering meth addict” big brother Phil Coulson, a cover he abuses to the utmost while recovering. 

Yup this is a thing.

Will it happen outside of my head?

Good question.

(Does anyone else care enough to see/read it?)

so today I have been halfassedly working on a Big Bang Theory / Avengers crossover. 

I’m not really sure why, but it hit me on the way home from work and hasn’t stopped bothering me yet. 

Look, here is a little snippet~!

“You can’t stay here!”

“Penelope…”

“No way, Philip. Nuh-uh. Not happening.”

“I can’t exactly go anywhere else, Penny. I’m legally deceased; until the government gets my new life set up for me, I need to lay low.”

“You shoulda thought about that sooner, mister secret government agent man.”

“…”

“…”

“I’ll pay the rent.”

“…well I suppose, out of the goodness of my heart, I could see about letting you stay with me for a little while.”

“You are too kind, little sister.”

“Oh, and you’re going to have to work on looking a little less… put together.”

“…why.”

“I kinda sorta maybe told people you were a meth dealer.”

“…”

So uh yeah

Penny is now Penny Coulson in my head. 

Her unnamed (and supposed meth dealer) brother is Agent Phil Coulson. Because somehow this works.

(I also subscribe to the whole Men in Black Agent K as Coulson’s dad headcanon so  there may be guest appearances should I ever actually write this mess out)