Chats

Me: *minding my own business, looking for tortilla chips*
Me: *finds tortilla chips*
Dude 1 *to Dude 2*: See, she knows what she’s here for. She knows what she’s doing. Be more like her. MAKE A DECISION, MARK.

Uncle: are you texting a boy?
Me: no
Uncle: why not??
Me: boys are gross
Uncle: *sarcastically* you a lesbian?
Me: *doesn’t look up from phone* yeah

Tucker: I’m not stupid
Wash: you legitimately thought a bomb transported you into the future
Tucker: …
Tucker: donut’s play was very convincing

[Taptaptap on the door]

Dad: aren’t you supposed to be at work at 9?

Me: PM!!

Dad: oh.

It is 830am

Uncle: Drive safely.
Brother: I never do.

my final thought before making most decisions: fuck it

Some People: That’s some dope ass art!
Other People: This is some kind of vandalism!
Me: How the hell did they get up there

Mom: Okay, you can’t use the vacuum until the filter dries in a few days.
Dad: …are you telling your daughter that?
Mom: I’m telling both of you! If you want to use the vacuum, well good news! You can’t!
Dad: Darn, and I was going to vacuum.