abitofclaireity:
It’s a stupid idea. Claire knows it’s a stupid idea, but that’s not going to stop her. Knowing it was stupid hadn’t stopped her from going with a virtual stranger on angel airlines to Egypt. Knowing it was stupid hadn’t kept her from maxing out her mom’s credit card ordering everything she could think of that might tell her where her mom is (or where her dad’s body is, but that was a bit more esoteric and a lot more expensive). Knowing it was stupid hadn’t stopped her from taking a bus across three states by herself to get to Becky’s.
That doesn’t even begin to get into the things she did while she was on the run with her mother. So knowing something is stupid isn’t going to get her to not do it, especially when she’s scared or pissed off. And today is definitely a pissed off kind of day.
Which is why she fires off a quick text to Becky telling her that she’s going over to classmate’s after school to work on a project, so u dont need 2 pick me ^ 2day k, when she is doing nothing of the sort. She has a full head of steam to back her, and so when she heads out after class she doesn’t even bother to check and make sure that Becky got her message.
She wants to rage and scream and howl and cry, but there are still too many people around for her to just let go. She hates her school, hates the other students, hates the teachers; especially the— the— the assbutt teaching science. In the time that she has been taking classes here, all that she has done is butt heads with him, and it wasn’t even her fault to begin with.
Somehow or another he’d found out that she had gone to a Catholic school before moving to Windom, and in his great and wonderful atheist world view that meant that she had been taught everything wrong. Nevermind that Sister Marianne had a Master’s degree in Physical Anthropology and a PhD in Classical Archaeology before she felt God calling her to the church. Nevermind that Sister Marianne had taught them amazing things about how evolution was God’s work. No that was all wrong. Terribly wrong. Wronger than anything could ever be wrong at all. Claire had to be “educated properly”, which apparently meant that every single damn time something was explained there was an accompanying “and this is why God isn’t real” lecture.
When you’ve been kidnapped by demons, ridden by an angel, and chased across the country by the fear of both it’s a little hard to deal with someone who doesn’t believe. So Claire needs some time and some space and maybe a little adventure. Talk a walk on the wild side and all that, just to remind herself that the stupid teacher doesn’t know anything about the real world. The real world that doesn’t include going back to another Vessel’s home where they pretend nothing ever happened to them.
It takes an hour of walking, but she finally managed to get out to Warren Lake, and find a space that it empty and quiet. Then she screams. And screams and screams, hurling her bag at a tree and stomping around in a fit of teenaged angst that lasts only a few minutes before she drops to the ground and wraps her arms around her knees.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Daddy… Castiel… Balthazar… Someone… anyone… tell me what to do…”
blackmakrketangel:
Balthazar had waited a little bit, just to be one hundred percent surer that him being around her again, wouldn’t put her in danger. He had also been working on a gift for her to make up for his absence. He had never really felt the need to make a gift for anyone, since the time he made Cas a necklace of all their feather’s, the whole group of them – Anna, Balthazar Castiel and Uriel – when trouble sparked. Cas had left it with him when he left for good, to help the humans, and Balthazar had taken it apart, keeping the feathers. They were what was in the box.
The idea was kind of the same, but he was also adding cinnamon bun pancakes to the deal, so he hoped Claire wouldn’t be too upset about his hasty retreat. He did feel bad about it, so he was planning on fixing it.
Claire truly was a remarkable human, the way she seemed to get under his skin. He wanted to protect her, to make her happy, to make sure that she was always safe and smiling. Castiel made him feel the same way, but it was more family-like with Claire then the I-want-to-be-your-everything with Castiel. That didn’t make the feelings any less strong, and angels could be damn protective over those they thought of as family. Balthazar just didn’t feel like most of his family was his family.
He finished the necklace, and snapped up the pancakes and stole away to her… and stops. He looks at her, and the mess that’s around before walking over slowly, and sitting next to her.
“Claire…” he whispers, putting the offerings off to the side and pulling her into a hug. He doesn’t say anything, he was never good at those things, but he holds her close, offering her comfort.
abitofclaireity:
For a long moment, Claire is frozen in place. It’s not so much that she doesn’t want to believe that someone has actually come when she prayed for help, as it is a general disbelief that someone is there. Enough of her prayers and wishes have gone unanswered over the years that she finds it difficult to believe that someone would come when she actually needs them. And then she is coiling her arms around Balthazar’s waist and burrowing into his hug. She buries her face in his shirt and her shoulders shake with the tears that she wants to cry but refuses to allow to fall.
For all that she’s been through, Claire is still only a child. She is still trying to reconcile her childhood dreams with her current reality and then trying to fit the misshapen pieces into the jigsaw puzzle of growing up. There is so much of her, however, that has become entangled in angels and demons and the truth of the world that the pieces don’t fit with her life. It is not wonder that it is the supernatural that she turns to when it feels like everything is falling apart on her.
And maybe, maybe she lets some of the tears she’s trying to hold back fall, and maybe she holds on a little tighter when they do. She’s not sure how long she pretends that she isn’t crying, but eventually she manages to muster enough courage to pull away just enough to look up at Balthazar with red eyes and a softly spoken greeting. “Um. He-hello Balthazar.”
blackmakrketangel:
Balthazar rubs her back as she shakes, holding her as close and tight as possible without hurting her. He doesn’t remark when she cries, to give away that he knows. He can feel the wetness against his vessel’s skin as it soaks into his shirt, but he knows a thing or two about pride, and has no issues playing blind. He hadn’t known that Claire was this upset, and regrets leaving even more then he already had. Sure it was to protect her, but she obviously needed someone… and he should have been there.
He smiles down at her when she lifts her head and wipes the tears from her cheeks. “Looks like you got something in your eye.” he smiled softly and pulled her fully into his lap. “Hey there darling, what’s wrong? I haven’t seen destruction this bad since Lucifer threw a temper-tantrum.” he was joking of course, something to lighten the mood… hopefully.
He ran his fingers through her hair, pads of his fingers soft against her scalp, meant to sooth and ease.
abitofclaireity:
Claire slumps against him when he pulls her into his lap, absolutely exhausted from the long walk, from the rage and from the tears she’s cried. She feels so drained that she’s surprised that there’s enough of her brain left in her head that she can even understand what Balthazar is saying.
“The devil throwing a temper tantrum sounds kinda dangerous,” she manages to get out, although her voice is rough from the tears. She flushes as she coughs to clear her throat and takes a few moments to gather her thoughts.
“It’s just… I dunno. Everything’s been all weird lately. And I’m supposed to be doing the normal life thing but… but how to I do that? How do I go back to being the me from before.” she swallows thickly. “The me from before Castiel and demons and everything?”
She clenches her fists, wanting nothing more than to lash out and hit something all over again, but she can’t. That sort of this is only for when you’re alone, she tells herself. It’s only for when no one is there to see you completely shatter yourself.
After everything that she has been through, she doesn’t feel like she’s a child anymore; locking up all of her bad feelings and moods and hiding behind a smile is what her mother did, so that is what adults are supposed to do, right? And she wants so desperately to follow in her parents’ footsteps. She wants to find some sort of higher purpose for her life, or at the least being the very best person that she can be, so she does what she thinks they would want her to.
She takes a breath and unclenches her fists. She smoothes down her jacket.
“I feel…” she licks her lips, stairing down at her hands. “I feel like I’m not the person I’m supposed to be.”
blackmakrketangel:
“You’re not supposed to go back to how everything was, because you’re not the old you. You’re the new you, and that’s okay.” Balthazar grabs her chin softly. “Everyone changes. They grow up, things happen that shape them. I’m not the me I used to be, sure there are some things that are still me, but there is also new stuff. It’s the way of life Claire. Everyone grows, this is growing up.” he smiles. “And you’re lucky Claire. You get to know things that others don’t. You truly know there is a God and angel’s… even if we can be dicks and not how everyone expects us to be, you don’t just have to rely on faith. You know.”
“And screw that teacher, he’s stupid. I could play Gabriel’s role and stick him in something if you like? Maybe Twilight.” he winks and smiles. “He’s an ass, don’t let him get you down. Just show him. Show him just how bright and wonderful you really are, because you are Claire. If any human could ever be considered angelic, and in the right way, the way I remember angel’s used to be; it’s you. You’re soul shines as bright as any Grace I’d seen. You’re so very wonderful Claire, never forget that. And don’t let people like that idiot make you feel any different.”
He kisses her forehead. “Now, after all that storming around, I bet yo’re hungry.” he reached over and put the plastic container in her lap. “Cinnamon bun pancakes, still warm.” he smiles and snaps up some butter and syrup and he’ll snap up what ever else she needs. “And this.” He grabs the necklace, which is one of his feathers. It looks like it’s made of gold, but if she were to touch it, it would be soft as ever, but will not crumble or break. “So I’m always there. Just hold it and call my name if you need me, and I’ll come running.” he smiles.
abitofclaireity:
“But…” she’s just trying to figure out how best to explain. It’s all up there, all in her head, but she just can’t get it out; can’t put her thoughts and feelings into words. “But… it’s… how can I be the new me and still do this whole… normal life thing? Go to school and… and make friends without worrying that they’re gonna be demons or or or anything else! I don’t want to give up knowing about all this stuff, but… how do I do it?”
She truly doesn’t want to; not even the promise of her parents’ return would make her give up knowing what she knows. To give up the certainty that God is out there, somewhere, and there are angels watching over her. That there are people who fight the things in the dark to keep everyone else safe. She can’t give up that knowledge, but it’s that very knowledge that chaffs at her. She could be doing so much to help!
“I… you’re right. He’s just so— so sanctimonious about it! Like just because I have my faith, I’m less than he is!” She has to giggle at the thought of her teacher stuck in a movie. The giggle is choked off by the feriocious blush that spreads across her cheeks as Balthazar continues. “That’s… um. I— there’s no way, Balthazar! I’m not anything like an angel. I’m just… just me. Claire. Regular old human.”
She’s still contemplating just how not angelic she is when he puts the container in her lap and the oh-so-delicious smell of cinnamon drags her out of her mope. If there is one thing in the world that Claire is addicted to, it’s cinnamon, and her stomach gurgles in agreement when she pops the container open. She’s already a couple bites in when Balthazar presents the necklace and it takes her a few minutes to stop staring at it, and instead stare at him.
“It’s so pretty…”
blackmakrketangel:
“I could come into school for you and point out who’s a demon and who’s not.” he chuckles before tapping the necklace. “This is special. Not only will it allow you to contact me, but it also has a calming aura, so if ever you feel angry or sad, just clutch it, and it’ll sooth you… it will also let you see who is who, human demon, beats, God, you name it.” he ruffles her hair. “But you know what happen’s to those who go looking for trouble… just, enjoy life Claire. Human life is so short, you don;t have time to worry about that crap. Just know if anything happens I’m here for you, and walk through life with your head held high.”
He was happy to know she liked both gifts, he was glad he had gotten it right. “And Claire, you don’t have to have Grace to be an angel, and I can’t believe I’m saying that but… you have a good heart, and a beautiful soul. You are what most angel’s can’t even imagine being. You have a true purity too you, so don’t doubt yourself. I’m an angel, I know these things.” he winks and hugged her tightly.
“Now, eat up and we’ll go visit somewhere, maybe the moon? I’m fully charged, better then ever, the sky is the limit… or not the limit, as I could take you to the sun, or Pluto or where ever.” he chuckles.
abitofclairety:
When Claire’s fingers tighten on the necklace, she feels such a sense of warmth and family and belonging that she draws in a startled breath. The tension that she hadn’t even know that she had been carrying drains away from her, leaving her feeling lighter and happier than she’s been in a long while. “Thank you Balthazar. For the necklace and the food and everything.”
She hugs him back, not really knowing how to respond to that. Seriously, what do you say to an angel who has just claimed that you’re better than most of his kin? Claire can only hope that her hug can express her awe and gratitude to him.
“The moon?” her jaw drops in surprise. She hadn’t even thought of anything like that before! Of coursehe’d be able to go where ever he wanted, Claire you idiot, he’s an angel. Suddenly she has so many more places to consider and ideas fluttering through her mind that she really had no idea which to jump on first. Or rather second. The moon sounds pretty awesome. “We can really go to the moon?”
blackmakrketangel:
Balthazar can tell, humans are so easy to read, so he knows how much this means to Claire. He feels a sense of relief and pride at being able to cheer her up. He closes his eyes and relaxes himself a little. At least someone out there showed appreciation for his help, and you, didn’t hate him.
“Of course we can really go to the moon.” he smiled and got to his feet, pulling Claire with him. “Is that where you want to go?” he stretched his wings out, which oddly felt a little more heavier then normal, but it wasn’t anything to worry about. “You’ll have to stay close with me, so I can keep you breathing, as humans can;t breathe in space. But I can take you to the moon.” he nods.
This was going to be much more fun then staying in a locked flat with an irritable Lucifer, and already his spirits were rising.
abitofclaireity:
Claire lets him pull her up with a giggle, bouncing on her toes once she gets her feet under her. “Of course I want to go to the moon! Who wouldn’t want to? And I know I can’t breath in space. That’s why you’re here!” there’s a cheerful teasing note to her voice when she says it, her eyes sparkling.
She hasn’t been this excited since the last adventure they went on. This was going to be so much fun!
blackmakrketangel:
Balthazar picked her up and put her over his shoulder. “Oh, a smart ass are you?” he grinned and flapped his wings once. “This is going to be a little bit different then my normal disappear-and-reappear. It might get a little bumpy.” he careful let her slide down so he was cradling her. “I need to fly up a little, get closer and all that jazz.” and he did, he flew up.
Once he was up high enough he disappeared, and appeared in the air, right above the surface of the moon, before he gently set her down, staying close. He smiled, he had made it so gravity would still effect her, couldn’t have her flying off on him now could he?
“I used to come here to think.” and he had once gone with Cas here once, he had to drag him, as they really weren’t supposed to, but it had been a fun adventure…
abitofclaireity:
“That’s me!” She laughs brightly when he throws her over her shoulder, and is still giggling madly when he shifts her into a more comfortable position… and then they are flying and once again she is overcome with awe. She doesn’t think she’ll ever find this boring, it’s just too amazing.
Amazing was also the word for when she set foot on the moon. She held on to one of his hands, partly to keep herself steady and partly as a way to tell herself ‘yes. I’m really here’. “Oh… oh wow. This is…” the grin that spreads across her face could probably light the Earth if they weren’t currently on the moon.
She spins to face him, still smiling though it falters slightly by the look on his face. Claire takes a second to study him, then smiles again. “Just to think?”
blackmakrketangel:
Balthazar watches her, and yes. He knows he did good again, and once again that feeling of peace washes over him. Her smile does wonder’s for the slight heavy feeling in his wings, ad well, that makes him feel even better. He lets her hold onto his hand and squeezes it gently, reassuring her that he is there and that he wont let go.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” he smiles and closes his eyes before opening them again. “I took Cas here once, back before humans were made. It was one of my many crazy ideas. I’m sure by the end I’d broken all my father’s rules at least once, some many times. I liked to leave heaven often, go to earth, go to space. I can’t count how many times we got in trouble… but this was my Favorite. We came here and sat for hours and just marveled at the earth our father had created. The look in Cas’ eye, it was when I knew… I knew that I’d always be by his side, no matter what. I vowed then that I’d protect him and care for him always.”
Fucked that one up real good, didn’t you?
abitofclairety:
“It’s absolutely amazng, Balthazar!” she all but chirps, smiling up at him. When he goes on to explain his time on the moon with Castiel, she tilts her head in a completely unconscious mimicry of the former angel. She bites her lip in consideration. “You really love him, don’t you?”
She’s not one hundred percent certain what she feels about that. There’s a part of her that equates Castiel with her father, and that part doesn’t want to think about Balthazar and Castiel together in any way. It’s not fair to Balthazar, to anyone really, but when it comes to her father, she’s still the little girl who listened to bible stories at bedtime.
Still… Balthazar deserves to be happy, just like he’s cheered her up and made her happy, so she clamps down on that little voice and tugs on his hand. “I want to look around and see everything. Show me?”
blackmakrketangel:
“Yeah, but he doesn’t feel the same way, so don’t worry kiddo.” he smiles and ruffles her hair. He letf her pull him around and nods. “Alright, lets go explore the moon shall we?” he smiles. “But I should take you home before it gets dark, so lets get going.” he smiles and walks.
He points out things as he walks, things that have changed, things that have stayed the same. He was happy to give her as much detail as possible, letting her soak in the information before starting in on the next tid-bit.
abitofclaireity:
Claire makes a face. “We’re in space, it’s always dark.” That is prime logic right there. You know. Despite the fact that she knows exactly what Balthazar means. She just doesn’t want to go home any time soon.
She fires off questions in between stories, asbolutely fascinated by what he’s telling her. She’d never thought she’d ever get a chance like this, and it’s just… just… she has no words for it.
She squeezes his hand in thanks as she quizzes him on whatever thought pops into her head. From questions on how the moon was centuries ago, to why it’s the color it is, to everything that was changed with the moon landing… the questions don’t really stop, although after awhile they drift away from questions about the moon to questions about history and the world.
[17 post compilation from abitofclaireity]