Why would I think that?
Ok if you really wanna know I’ll tell you. I think that because it’s true.
I mean come on, anyone can put on some fucking grey make-up and a black wig. Anyone can paint on a shirt. Anyone can do basically everything I’ve done for my “cosplays” and I was never even proud of them to begin with! I mean sure I’ve gotten better but I’m not good. At all.
The only people who tell me I’m good are my friends and you guys are biased as hell because I mean come on! No one wants to hurt their friend’s feelings.
On top of that I’m poor as shit so I can’t afford nice things to use for cosplay. My Karkat wig? 20$ and it’s like a step above Halloween-store quality. It’s all I can afford! Half the shit I use is from my closet which you’re not supposed to do. I also just found out that my mum refuses to help me sew a dress so I now have to learn how to do it on my own which is going to make it look like trash which is going to make me feel like trash and even just thinking about it is upsetting me. Plus the people I surround myself with are so much better than me so when I’m with them and we’re all in costume I feel overwhelmed and out-cosplayed and just..really shitty. Like people are judging me for being the worst, which they probably are because I AM THE FUCKING WORST. I hate everything I’ve ever done for a costume, it’s all so cheap and stupid looking. I do all this research and then I get together with everyone and nothing works out.
I mean seriously I picked the worst hobby. It’s expensive and I am poor, how does this work. I’m paying 50$ for a 30$ chest binder. The wigs I want cost 40$ and 30$ respectively. I asked for them for christmas and I know for a fact I’m not getting them so I need to order those by myself as well and I only have 140$ to my name that I only just recently got and I would go out and get a job but I have after school activities and homework so I don’t have time and asdjasdj
I just hate everything ok.EDIT: Oh wait shit I’m not done hating myself. I used to have a bunch of wigs and you know what happened? I destroyed them. I tried to style them and instead I ended up ruining them. I can’t sew, I can’t style, and everything I do for a costume looks stupid.
Oh hun… that is a whole lot of self-hate there. I don’t think anything I say will really help in the here and now— I know it never helps me when I’m in a mood quite this black— but I’m going to post this so you can look back on it later, okay?
Excuse me? Who the HELL told you you’re not supposed to use stuff from your closet? I wish to smack them upside their little fucknut skull. When you’re working on a budget your closet can be your best friend. Hell I still pull things from my closet for cosplay; my work clothes tend to do double duty as school uniforms and the like.
Ouch… yeah. I can see how your mom bailing on helping you sew can cause a bunch of problems. Even with a life time of sewing under my belt it’s a bitch and a half to do, especially when you start to get frustrated. Learning a new skill is never fun… I’d offer to help, but there’s the combined problem of not knowing your machine and living so far apart.
(…of course I do have a car and a habit of driving for hours on end just to turn around and go home, and an actual reason for doing something might be awesome once in awhile… but that would be your choice, dear Mouse)
I certainly know the feeling of being the worst in a cosplay group. And I know it sounds trite because I am fully aware that I am an awesome cosplayer (oh look at me be egotisical) but all my friends from highschool are practically a full tier of skill above me. It’s distressing and it sucks and sometimes I wind up sabotaging my own costumes because I’m afraid I won’t measure up. Don’t be like me, don’t do that.
You know, I “quit” cosplay about five years ago. Swore up and down I was done and I was never going to do this stupid ass shit ever again because it was destroying me. The only reason I’ve done any cosplays for these last few years was because I was going in groups. I was being the body to fill in the void, so my friends would have a full group.
That’s not much fun.
So if giving up on cosplay is what’s going to make you feel better, than that’s what you do. Take a break, let your worries and your self hate have a rest and think about it again later.
It took me five years to finally be happy with cosplay again. And it took meeting you and the rest of the girls from Otalite (and guys, I guess there were a few of them around…) to get me to that point.
…
…
if you want to see some of my trashed costumes, I am totally willing to post them. Just so you can see how terrible someone with fifteen years of cosplay and twenty of sewing behind her can still screw everything up forever.